Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Why I hate cake

I really truly hate cake.

It's cause I make godawful cakes. I have the gentle touch of an avalanche. I'm very picky when it comes to cakes. Most of them are too dry (including mine). I'd rather eat a cake than make one.

The thing above was my attempt at a Guinness cake for a topical St Patrick's Day post. So many things went wrong.
  • a fourth of the cake stuck to the pan
  • one side fell off 
  • cake crumbs scattered around the 'frothy' frosting
  • cake itself was tasteless
My cakes erode on themselves - a disintegration of crumbs, frosting, and money. Yet once ever three to six months I try and fail again. I've never made an intact, handsome, tasty cake. The dream eludes me.

guinness cake pre-disintegration

My family's favorite story is the time I baked my first failure. I was about 12 years old and had picked up some cake mix, aqua frosting, and decorations at the grocery store to celebrate my sister's homecoming. It was my first and most spectacular failure. Once again, the cake collapsed from my destructive touch. The aqua frosting, like rushing flood water, picked up the top layer of crumbs and decorations up and over the cliff into the cake's abyss.

This is my sister's favorite story. She brings it up as much as possible, even when I present her with my gorgeous tres leches cake.


Anyway, this week has been a dud in general too. I've been making uninspiring meals that have left me hungry soon after (see above). Lately I couldn't care less about cooking - I just want to be cooked for!

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